Friday, May 8, 2009

What is the problem with men?

I'm in a bad mood. Fed up. With men. To be clear: I'm not a feminist, I don't believe men to have a rape gene or to be incapable of acting decently due to sociological constraints, general upbringing or an in general evil manhood into which we are socialised. Never the less, I'm truly fed up with the way certain men behave towards women. Part of the reasons are purely egoistic: I'm fed up with being treated like a potential moron, molester or rapist. I'm tired of noticing how women ahead start speeding up when I'm quietly walking home at night, and having too slow down or change sidewalks not to scare her. And a few months ago in New York City I was unable to get a girl to date me, to even meet me in a restaurant, partly because of her previous encounters with inconsiderate schmucks and madmen. Instead we talked on the phone for some 8 (!) hours, half of which was devoted to her interrogating me as to whether I was a stalker, madman, alcoholic or something other less appropriate for a good Jewish girl. Until we had to give up and never even met.

A couple of days ago I had a cup of coffee with an old friend. She is in her forties and dresses modestly as do most members of the middleeastern people to which she belongs. On her way home she stopped to exchange a few words with the man serving the subway booth as they are old friends. While she was talking to her she suddenly felt a very big person pushing up against her and his hand feeling her up between her legs and squeezing her behind. She was completely shocked and turned ice cold. But she also, fortunately, reacted and turned around. Behind her was a bear like man of middle age. She told him to stop, and demanded he made an excuse. As he tried to laugh it off she got angrier and kicked him in the leg. After a while the guards arrived and explained to the man that what he had done was illegal. The man himself tried to lecture my friend that "this is not how women usually behave in this country", and telling the guards that my friend had assaulted her (she is the least aggressive person thinkable and most computer geeks could carry her). My friend ended up making a police report, and so did the man. She was unable to sleep and felt terrible for a week after it happened. Anyone think that this excuse of a man had any trouble sleeping? So after a week she was called to the police station to witness. Not about the molestation, but about her kicking him on the leg.

Now this is not just a sad incident. I have many female friends whom have had stalkers, been molested, felt up and abused, telephone terrorised. And one very close friend was brutally raped. Now where do these men come from and who are they? And from where do they get the shittyness to treat women this way. It's incomprehensible. Of course there are rotten eggs among women, but in general they are unbelievably loyal to men. I used to drive buses at night and I would see all these little girls carrying there twice as big, drunk as hell, boyfriends onto the buses, puke over their clothes, making sure they got home. Is it these guys who grow up to be molesters?

I simply can not understand how a man can assault a woman and live with himself. Or shout "bitch" or "hoe" after a girl and feel good when she is stunned by the shock and shame. Brag about it to their friends.

Who are these men? They aren't. Men, that is. A real man is a source of good. A real man is "women and children first". A real man look to those week, whomever they are, and try to help out, and to those strong, and point out where they need to better themselves. A real man will feel valuable when he helps a friend, consoles a child or build a house.

One of the men I remember was my grandfather. He was very manly because he would let the grand kids punch his big belly with all their might while he laughed so hard his teeth nearly fell out. His arms was thick as trees after many years of hard work and his garage was filled with oily tools and a big industrial sharpening machine that weighed 2 tons. One day when I was playing one of my fantasy killing games, killing everyone, he grabbed me and said: "You do know that killing someone is nothing heroic, right?" I was a really young and fairly screwed up kid, and my heroes were John Wayne and Alan Ladd, so I asked: "What do you mean". He said: "A real hero is someone who saves someone's life. That is the finest thing someone can ever do in life."

Another real man is my father.

Some day I hope to be one myself. What these persons that purposely hurt, degrade, humiliate and molest women hope to achieve I can't imagine. May they all go to hell.