Sunday, June 10, 2012

Popular posts - wut?

Blogger is kindly supplying me with stats for my blog. This is nice. However. The two blog posts that by far get the most amount of traffic are:

1) Shul bevaiour and pot smoking


2) What is the problem with men

Seeing as I work in SEO (Search Engine Optimization for those of you who lived under a rock the last 7 years), I can´t really understand this – how many pot heads worry about shul behavior enough to google for it? A tip from the coach: DO NOT be a pot head! That simple. You will eventually become very stupid, and on top of that achieve a very dark and gloomy outlook on the world and Hashem´s creation. If you have to light up, do it once a month. Tops.

The other question that arises - are we men really that bad to have that many women trying out the Internet for an answer to what the hell we are up to? That would explain why lately it has become almost impossible for me even to get a date:-) So....if you you are a man and feel that article is anywhere close to home, please do get your shit together and stop throwing a monkey wrench in the dating process of all us decent guys! Pleeeease.

Other than that I spent Shabbes with my friend Yehuda in Ramat Beit Shemesh. Present was also my old friend Shreiberlish whom I haven´t seen in two years. Good times. Now bed. Shavua tov!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Jerusalem, if I forget you...

Time flies when you are having fun, and well, when you are not having so much fun too. It´s soon been two years since I moved to Israel, and I just turned one year at the office, and the staff has grown with almost 100% since. Affiliate marketing for the online casino business do seem to be the new shit. Other than that I´ve moved to the Old City of Jerusalem, something I stupidly decided to do via collective traffic means which resulted in 2 weeks of schlepping stuff from Beer Sheva to the office and then to Jerusalem after work and then back to Beer....well you get the idea. Bad idea. Don´t. Below some action points since....November. Shame on me.

* They have a Light Festival in the Old City currently. So they build this huge cupola of differently colored neon lights outside Jaffa Gate. And hung weird light decorations everywhere, including a huge spinning cork screw outside in green neon outside the rebuilt Hurva synagogue. This festival seem completely Ad hoc. Probably initiated by the local lamp maker association, there are a bunch of stands at the square selling lamps anyhow. Weird.

Light Festival in Jerusalem
* My little sis is in intensive care, hooked up to a lung machine and sedated, with pneumonia. Very, very sad. I´m coming to Sweden in 2 weeks, hopefully she is better by then. Please get better, sis.

* Crazy Pavlova´s son (a nice kid) had some health issue a few months ago, and ended up hospitalized. Pavlova took this as his cue to start drinking a liter of vodka a day or so. One night I arrived when he was on a bin and the guard had just gotten an ambulance there, but the paramedics didn´t want to take him in so he was threatening suicide. I tried to calm him down as he was crying his heart out, but he ended up asking me to go beeep myself so I left. Later I bumped in to he in the elevator, where he explained himself a great kick boxer and threatened to murder me. Around 9 times. But....all well that ends well. They locked him up in the looney bin, his kid got out of hospital, he got out of his asylum, and he stopped drinking. and since he has actually behaved.

The rebuilt Hurva Synagogue
* It´s summer and so the whole Old City is replete with Germans and Americans talking very loudly and walking veeeeery slooowly. But at least it´s cool here in the evenings, as opposed to in Beer Sheva.

* The schnorrers at the Kotel are driving me insane. I go there to pray at sunrise. Not to get bugged by people shaking their coins under my nose while I´m praying.

Netz at the Kotel

 * I need to buy a washing machine before I start to stink. No laundromats in the Old City.

* Religious Internet Dating is a punishment for our sins. Also I seem to be in a slump? Women usually like me when they meet me, but lately it seems no one wants to meet me? Wut? Wut? And also dear Hashem - what did I do to deserve this?

*My Colombian friend Shaul had a baby boy. I´m very happy for him. I was the photographer at the Bris.

* I need to stop arguing with communists and Jew haters in the Swedish press, particularly in the comments field of a Swedish a rag called "Aftonbladet". It just gives me a migraine and the don´t understand the simplest argument anyway.

* Syria has in 1 year butchered 15 000 of its own people. Naturally the PC avant guard could not care less. There will be no "Ship to Damascus". Why? Because no Europeans or Yanks ever gave a shit about Arabs unless they were a) "occupied" by Israel or b) had a shit load of oil. And the Syrians have neither. Let me repeat. 15 000 dead in 1 year. That is more casualties than in the "Middle East Conflict"in the last 20 year. On BOTH sides.

* Quentin is moving to an apartment with Chaim "Woody Allen with PMS" Chaimerdude - a match made in heaven no doubt. Chaim refers to Quentin as his girlfriend, and sometimes behaves as if he was - a bitchy girlfriend at that. Ill give it 6 months, tops. A few months ago Woody bitched on Quentin for 1 hour, claiming that he was a traitor for resolving to spend the Shabbes with a friend instead of with Chaim. And me. The same Shabbes Chaim decided to invite a woman friend over over to my place for the Shabbes dinner, and proceeded to insult her for an hour until she told me in spanish that she could not take it anymore, and ran away.

And obviously a thousand other things. Many things can be said about life in Israel, but  you seldom get bored. Well, that´s all for now folks. Aint even gonna say I´ll try to update the blog more often, but thanks for dropping by!